The Worst of the Terrible

The Story: The Bears have never had much success in choosing a quarterback. You would think that they would learn, or at least try to get a decent quarterback, but they don't. Why don't they bring in someone who has had some success at choosing a quarterback? Who knows, I certainly don't, but here is my list of the 5 Chicago Bears quarterbacks that I remember who have sucked the most:

5. Jim Miller. The best I can say about him is that he was the first quarterback to be suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policies. Oh, that and he had 55 rushes for 4 yards during his career. While having a not completely awful quarterback rating of 75.2, he lost his starting spot to another Bear's quarterback which doesn't say much for him. He did give the Bears the middle finger in 2004 when he won a Super Bowl ring as the back up for Tom Brady.

4. Chris Chandler. If the NFL were a reproductive organ, Chris Chandler would most likely be an STD (my guess is Syphilis, because Syphilis's symptoms are indistinguishable from other STDs, just like Chandler). He played for 17 seasons in the NFL, which makes you think he is tough, but his nickname of "Crystal Chandelier" tells the real story. When not being injured or standing on the sidelines injured, Chandler enjoys poodles, long walks on the beach, and anal.

3. Jonathan Quinn. I realize he only played 5 games for the Bears, but even they were smart enough not to keep his lousy ass around. He put up some amazing stats during his five games. 1 touchdown pass and 3 interceptions. He seems like Rex Grossman's idol to me. Had he played more games for the Bears, he would have made it higher on the list.

2. Craig Krenzel. Very promising player from Ohio State, turned out to be a piece of shit. In his unpleasantly short NFL career with the Bears, he threw for 6 interceptions and 3 touchdowns. His 52.5 quarterback rating says it all. He also had a debilitating skin condition which caused deposits of dark melanin to form on his face, more commonly known as freckles.

1. Cade McNown. Drafted 12th overall in 1999, he was the highest drafted quarterback for the Bears since Jim McMahon. That says a lot about how much the Bear's management thinks of getting a decent quarterback. Anyways, back to Cade. In two seasons he had 19 interceptions and 16 touchdowns and a beautiful 67.7 quarterback rating. He ranks as the worst Bears quarterback because of all the faith we had in him. Instead of being our savior, he turned out to be shit in our cuts. The highlight of his career was getting inside of these two Playmates.